Final BEDA

Wait a second, it's already the 31st of August? BEDA is over? That went by so quickly! And I even enjoyed it most of the time (except for those few nights when I was in London and would have preferred to be doing anything else besides sitting on my laptop)! This was a pretty big month. This was my last month living in the my parents house. I finally got Mockingjay. I went on an amazing adventure to London. I met my twin! I spent a lot of time thinking about who, what and where I want to be. I began the tedious search for ways to study abroad next year. I got to see my brother finally be the one to go on an adventure (to Greece!) I packed up a ton of my possessions in preparation to move in two weeks. Emily sent me enough music to require a "Sent by Emily" playlist on my iTunes/iPod. We lost Esther. The 5AG took a summer break. And so many other, smaller things...
It's been fun. I'm definitely going to keep blogging as frequently as possible because I guess I'd forgotten how much I enjoy having an outlet for my thoughts. It's also felt really nice to get back into the swing of stringing words together, which is something that I haven't done enough in a pretty long time. Thank you to the small handful of people who commented every single day; I read all of my comments and you guys are fantastic. I know that I don't comment on things nearly enough, so I really appreciate that in others! Have a wonderful end to your summer, or winter, and I'll talk to your guys again soon.

Someone asked the other day for my PO box address and so it is:
Kayley Hyde
PO Box 51
Edmonds, WA
98020-0051

Little Tin Soldiers

Last night I decided to watch some Doctor Who to take my mind of some things and who is better at distracting you from life than David Tennent? I decided to watch Human Nature/Family of Blood because I wanted some seriously amazing Tennent acting and I love the tragedy of John Smith. While watching Family of Blood, I noticed a quotation that slipped past me in previous viewings of the episode. The line was spoken by Baines and it is when he is speaking to the Headmaster of the school about the fact that all of the boys were reading to fight. The line is:
"All your little tin soldiers. But tell me, sir, will they thank you?"
I never noticed how powerful and relevant this line is, not only to this moment, to Doctor Who in general, but to real life, as well. Let me slow down a little. The part that struck me initially was "all your little tin soldiers." Immediately, I saw the moment in Journey's End where the Doctor sees all of the people who have died defending him flash before his eyes. His little tin soldiers. They all stood up for the Doctor, determined to save him, even if it meant losing themselves. They are little, yes. There are billions of people on the Earth and even more in the Whovian universe; they are tiny. But they are still his soldiers. To the outsider, the Baines if you will, they are minuscule. To the Doctor? Heroes. They are huge and important and brilliant. I love how understated the term is, but how nicely is sums up who they are to the Doctor in a way.
Now, the next part. "But tell me, sir, will they thank you?" I love how much this relates to a line later in the series, during The Last of the Timelords, said by my darling Martha Jones:
"But if Martha Jones became a legend, then that's wrong because my name isn't important. There's someone else. The man who sent me out there, the man who told me to walk the Earth. And his name is the Doctor. He has saved your lives so many times and you never even knew he was there. He never stops, he never stays, he never asks to be thanked. But I've seen him, I know him, I love him. And I know what he can do."
Very few times do people say the words "thank you" to the Doctor. They are quite often implied, whether it be with a characters actions or a look in their eyes, but the words are rarely spoken. When it comes to the Doctor's little tin soldiers, thanks is always implied. They do what they do to thank the Doctor for saving the world time and time again. I think this parallel or theme of thankfulness is really powerful and I'm really surprised I didn't notice it before, seeing as that Martha Jones quotation is one of my favourite Who moments in history.
I think that we all have our little tin soldiers. The people who come in and out of our lives. The people who support us and help us reach certain goals or complete certain tasks. I think that the little tin soldiers are the people who may only be in our lives for the briefest space of time, but they make a difference. Contrastingly, they can be people we spent endless hours with, but have faded out of our lives. The people we meet and remember. Our little tin soldiers are like memories of a time or a place. We line them up in order and they defend our past; they can remind us of who we were.
I don't know. Maybe this is all nonsense and I'll read this next week and wish that I hadn't allowed anyone to read it, but I really like the concept. If I had any skillz at writing music, I think it'd make a pretty cool Trock song. What do you think? Do you believe we all have our little tin soldiers or am I just bored and seeing things that aren't really there? Have a good Monday, guys. xx

I lick it.

This was going to be a reaction post the the Emmy's, but my brain goes a million miles a minute and it was utterly ridiculous. So basically, I'm happy that Modern Family got recognised a lot, because it's amazing. And I'm pretty pissed that Fringe got NO recognition, because it's also amazing. But twitter user Carlos reassures me that this is "because this is the parallel world, they won a bunch on the other side, don't worry." He is probably right, so congrats to Fringe in the alternate world! *nerdjokesnerdjokes* By the way, I've never asked you guys about your television preferences. Do you like Fringe? How about Modern Family? Neither?! What *do* you like?
I'm having a really activity-light-but-thought-heavy day and to be honest, I'm not in much of a blogging mood, so I'm going to take this thoughtful survey from Hayley's blog post today. Enjoy and have a good Sunday evening! xx

1. First thing you wash in the shower?: My hair.
2. What color is your favorite hoodie?: I think I only own one or two. But my Amy Pond one, so red.
3.Would you kiss the last person you kissed again?: Definitely.
4. Do you plan outfits?: If I have to get up early the next day, I put them out the night before.
5. How are you feeling right now?: Alright.
6. What's the closest thing to you that's red?: My shirt.
7. Do you say aim or A-I-M?: "I say it's 2010." Well put, Hayley, well put.
8. Last dream you remember having?: Alex and I got really stupid tattoos that we thought were absolutely brilliant.
9. Did you meet anybody new today?: Yes, actually.
10. What are you craving right now?: Cuddles.
11. Do you floss?: You're not my dentist. That information is disclosed.
12. What comes to mind when I say "cabbage?": Zambia.
13. When was the last time you talked on AIM?: Back when I thought role-playing was the only way to get involved with the Harry Potter fandom.
14. Are you emotional?: Occasionally.
15. Would you dance to the taco song?: I feel like this is a reference to a specific, choreographed dance that I'm terribly unfamiliar with, which would probably result in my looking like an asshole. So maybe.
16. Have you ever counted to 1000?: Never and I really don't intend to.
17. Do you bite into your ice cream or just lick it?: LOL. I see now why you only answered 17 of these, Hayley.

Kayley Emilia Owl

I got really caught up this morning in looking up what my name means, for some reason. I googled my name, which lead me to meanings, etc. Kayley means nothing special. It's Irish, I guess, and it means Caollaidhe's heir. I'm not Irish (at least not that much; I'm just a European mutt, mostly Scandinavian) and I don't think that I am Caollaidhe heir, so that was sort of disappointing to me. Caollaidhe, by the way, is an Irish girl name meaning slender. So my name suggests that I'm the heir of a girl who may or may not be thin. Lame. Anyway, the better part of this story is that my middle name is Emilia. When looking up what Emilia means, I came across a Latin and Greek meaning. The Latin meaning? Rival. That's pretty badass. I was content with that when I glanced down at the Greek meaning... which was "friendly, soft." I am not one to keep rivals in my life, but I have a feeling that these two things counter one another quite significantly. Maybe that means Emilia is a rival who can kill you with kindness, a la Kate from The Taming of the Shrew. I can live with that, I suppose. Still pretty badass. What does your name mean?
Next, I'd just like to address this nerdfightersecret, which is less of a secret and more of a desire, but whatever. Have a look. LOL. In the words of Charlie: "Don't they know we're cousins!? What kind of sick and twisted..."Alright, glad that was addressed. Moving on.

I brought up boxes last night and packed up the mess that was sitting on my window seat waiting to be taken to university. This was really cool. It was fun to know that the next time I open that box, it'll be in my new living space. Quite surreal. A thing I noticed, however, was the surplus of owl paraphernalia I have accumulated to take with me. As you all know, my love for owls (not this kind of love) is not something that goes unnoticed on the internet, or in real life. For every birthday, Christmas or any other gift-giving event, I undoubtedly always receive something owl related. Graduation was no exception, in fact I probably received more than usual, due to the whole "wise owl" connotation. Almost every time I open my PO box, I am greeted with an owl picture, craft or gift. This is all fine and good when I am bringing my large-eyed, feathered possessions safely to my room at my parents house. But my owl pillow cases, owl pillow, crocheted owl from Lauren, owl white board, owl bank from Adam and Voldey, owl notebooks and any number of other owl merchandise may freak out my roommate a little. I mean, I'm already planning on putting photos from VidCon on the walls in hopes of attracting YouTube-y, nerdfighter friends, but I don't want to scare her out. That'd just be rude. So here's hoping she doesn't have an owl phobia or something, because if she does, then I'll have lost half of what I own.
I think I'll leave it at that and get back to listening to the drunken ramblings of frezned. He had one too many glasses of wine on his final night in Zambia and I am fortunate enough to enjoy this fact. Have a lovely Saturday. xx

Nuclear Wintour

I watched Seamless last night, which despite it's 4/10 star rating on imdb, was quite good. It further reminded me that I need to be Anna Wintour when I grow up and that I definitely don't have the balls that she does. Although, in this film, she didn't tear people apart like she normally does. She seemed much sweeter! Cheers to the editors for that, I'm sure, but I do prefer the mega-bitch Wintour. I'm thinking I'll do re-watch The September Issue a little later today. It's strange to have an idol that so many people detest, but I absolutely adore her and know that if she met me, she'd probably hate me. I can't tell you why, but I think I'd infuriate her. By the way, for those of you who don't know, Anna Wintour is the editor-in-chief of the American Vogue. If you have seen or read The Devil Wears Prada, Meryl Streep does a magnificent job at essentially portraying Wintour. As I mentioned before, I've been interested in fashion for about five years now, but I'm completely incapable of basic human functions, so designing has never been an option. I became interested in fashion journalism after seeing this film and it's been a desire of mine ever since. Writing, traveling, fashion, all in one. Yes, please. Fashion/travel journalist and film director we're the only future careers I ever saw myself enjoying, and I'm only pursuing one, so here's hoping that one works out.
Recently, I also watched Coffee and Cigarettes which has been highly anticipated for me and I did not like it. It was just too, too slow. This is coming from someone who devours period films and can watch Lord of the Rings over and over (and over and over and over...) I have no problem with slower films, but this one just never picked up. I love the concept and kept waiting for something to happen and it never did. So that was a disappointment. Seen any films recently? I've been having a dry spell when it comes to Netflix. Everything I've gotten recently hasn't really been what I wanted. About A Boy is on the way, though, so I am excited and I am hopeful.
Now I have to go through pages and pages of study abroad scholarships to find ones that I am actually eligible for, because most are only for people who want to study language or go to a non-Western country. Which is annoying. But I'm working on it. Also, I have about 20 minutes of Mockingjay vlog to edit, but I just cannot bring myself to do it. Especially because I know that I didn't waste a lot of time thinking or saying things that I didn't want to say, so I have a feeling it's just going to be a really, really long video. I don't like posting long videos, though, so I'll have to figure out what to do about that. Happy Friday, everyone! xx

P.S. Here. You are welcome.

Cultural (Shopping) Differences

I'm having a rather good day, blog readers. I bought wonderful shoes, discussed great films with frezned (there are so many Tom's, so I shall refer to him as frezned), talked to both Alex and Emily (I never know what to link to Emily) and found out that my blog yesterday made Lauren cry. That last one shouldn't be a reason that my day is good, I suppose, but we exchanged kind words to one another in addition to the tears. I really enjoy having such wonderful people in my life. I feel like I've emphasized that a lot in BEDA, so it must just be a sentiment to how much I think about the people I love in every day life.
Love and friendship aside, I want to talk about shopping. As I mentioned, I bought some fabulous shoes and a bunch of other things today at H&M. As a general rule, I don't like to go shopping too often, because it means that I can have time to think about what types of things I want to buy. That being said, I hadn't gone out to the shops really since being in London and I never realised how noticeable the difference between shopping in England and the States is. First of all, I've always wondered what it is about Americans that can't look at the same thing at the same time. I always disliked how when you go to a rack that someone else is looking at, they immediately retreat as though I was about to compete for its attention. (I just want to look at the shirt, dammit! I'm more than willing to share. I'm a relatively nice person and I don't mean to freak you out by approaching and showing interest in a similar item of clothing.)
This is not something I ever noticed when in the UK. Quite the opposite, actually. I found people reaching around me or over me to grab something in front of me. This also puzzled me because it's not as though I plan on planting in from of a rack and not moving for a long period of time. I just want to look a bit and go on my merry way, but the crazed girls in Topshop don't seem to believe that I won't waste their time and feel the need to take matters into their own hands.
I'm not sure which I prefer, to be honest. I like my personal space just as the next person, but it's also sort of disconcerting to have someone bolt the second you approach. Have any of you experienced either of these situations? Maybe I'm just more intimidating than I realised and people either don't want to be near me or want to get away as soon as possible. If you ever see me in a shop, I'M FRIENDLY. I SWEAR. (Mostly.) Have a lovely Thursday. xx

Lauren

In light of recent events, namely the death of the wonderful Esther Earl (more here), I decided to talk this opportunity to talk about one of my best friends. I think Esther would like that. This friend is not on YouTube, but she has been in a few videos with me in the past. I've spoken about her here and there on this blog, but never in great detail. So I'm going to share a little about Lauren.

She's tall. That's the first thing you'll notice, because she is about 6'2". Don't ask her about playing basketball or modeling. She's heard it all before. She's gorgeous. Absolutely stunning, in fact. Lauren is a photographer. A much better one than I am, that's for sure. She always has at least one massive camera in her bag. She is a writer, too. We use to stay up all night writing stories and running things past one another with our other best friends. She reads so fast. I've always been envious of her reading speed. She can buzz through a book in a few hours and remember just about everything from the story. She's a florist who makes beautiful flower arrangements.
Lauren is honest and blunt. Honesty is something that matters a lot to me when it comes to those close to me. I don't care what people are honest about. Maybe it's about something they did, or maybe it's how stupid my hat looks. Either way, I appreciate it. She does not hold things back and she isn't afraid to tell you when you're being a dumbass. She goes out of her way to make people happy. She is loyal and dependable. I've never doubted her on anything and I can tell her anything. Sometimes a little too much, I'm sure. She cares. She cares so, so much about everyone in her life. She's passionate about what she loves and chases what she wants.
Lauren wants the best for me, but she also encourages me to do whatever I want, regardless of the outcome. She knows more about me than just about anyone else in the world and always knows that I want. She doesn't stop me from doing things that I want to do for her own benefit. She knows that our friendship can withstand anything, even the transcontinental move that she is definitely in favour of me making. She's supportive, helpful and my best friend. I can't wait to spend my life with her in it.
I could talk about her and her spectacularity (that's a word) for days, but instead I'll just say...Lauren? I love you. Thank you for everything. I hope you're having fun at the ocean and I can't wait to see you when you get home. Happy Wednesday, friends. xx

Sitting in a Chair

It's been four hours since I finished reading Mockingjay. No spoilers here because I have/will be recording a video about it (full of spoilers), but I adored it. It was nothing like what I could have expected, which made it all the more brilliant. I often feel like the poster girl for this series, but honestly, if you haven't read The Hunger Games trilogy, I'd really recommend it :) Also, something sort of cool is that I went to a midnight release party with Kristina (more on it over on her blog) and Eia and I won two key chains! I forgot to pick them up, though, and the bookshop closed at 6pm, so that'll have to wait. But it was exciting nevertheless.
Once again, I don't have much to share because I have literally been sitting on the same chair since 1am last night. Like, I've gotten up for food, a shower and...no, that's about it. Wow. I didn't even realise that and I now feel tragically pathetic. I mean, to be fair, I *was* sleeping for five of those hours and then most of the others were spent reading, but still. Tomorrow, I will go for a walk. Or something. Maybe. Have a wonderful evening! xx

P.S. I typed this up at 6:30pm with the intention of coming back to it and making it less shit. It's 8:45pm. That didn't happen. But Emily told me she'd read it anyway, so that's all the matters.
[8/24/10 8:50:58 PM] Emily: We are fantastically exciting youths.

One of those days

You'd think that after years and years of having so many friends all over the world, you'd get use it. You'd get use to not having them there to give you a hug or to go on adventures or to cuddle with you. But I can honestly tell you that you don't. At least I never have. I'm generally good about not letting it get to me, but with my best friend unable to hang out due to work and another close friend moving away, it has just served as a further reminder to the fact that about 92% of my best friends live across the country or across the world. I made that percentage up, but the fact remains.
I'm better today than yesterday, which is nice. But I just had a rather lonely day yesterday and the loneliness has carried over a bit and continues to eat away at my soul. Sigh. I am happy that I got to talk to Adam on skype (while he was on blogtv) yesterday, though. And I got to chat with Rosianna, who has just moved to New York! I really hope that I get to see her sometime while she's in the country. Or when I'm hopefully in London this December.
I am currently really stressed out because sometime between two days ago and this afternoon, my room has gotten out of control. I anticipated a mess, but I'm the type of person who can't function in a messy room and this has gotten out of hand. I keep glancing up at the offending hangers littering the floor or the pile of clothes that I need to give away as soon as possible. (By the way, I wanted to do a blog sale, but shipping costs would just be too much. Maybe later, we'll see.) So I'm going to respond to a few of you and venture off the sort everything out.

Krazy_4_Kelly - I recieved your gift from Hogsmeade! That was so awesome! Thank you :D
all about aimee - I love your friends blog and I am now following it, thanks for the recommendation!
Alysha Mari - I don't use lookbook anymore because I have no way of taking the photos without looking extremely uncomfortable and have no one to take them for me, otherwise I'd be all over that. Maybe I'll meet someone at uni who can be my lookbook photographer, haha.
Percival - I don't quite know what you mean; I don't know how I'd use any alternative form of commenting on this blog, sorry!

It was great to hear about your various styles yesterday, by the way. Sorry for the downer post today. I'll be sure to be in a better mood tomorrow because I'm going to a Mockingjay midnight release party tonight and probably won't blog till I'm finished with the book. Or it'll be a haphazard "omgthisisamazingbutIneedsleep" type post. Either way, it'll be more positive. :) Some days are just harder than others. Happy Monday. xx

Fall Fashionspiration

I have a feeling I won't be doing much today and therefore won't have anything blogworthy to say, so I've decided to post some pictures from tumblr (I'll link credit if I can find any). These are mostly for my benefit so that I can collect the images that I hope will inspire my style this fall into one area, but I'd like to know about your style. Leave a comment about your style or link my to a picture that sums up how you dress. Fashion is sort of my vice. When I was in middle school (about age 13-14 for you non-Americans), I realised that all of my friends had creative outlets in writing, drawing, music, etc. I played sports when I was younger, so I never really had anything creative going for me. That's when I decided to turn my style into a creative outlet. I know a lot of you probably think of fashion as a frivolous capitalistic notion or something, but I love seeing how people express themselves with what they wear. So yes, tell me about your style and here are some images that I will be drawing inspiration from in one way or another this fall.

Talking to BEDA

Oh hey, BEDA. This is the first time I've forgotten about you since those late nights in London! I'm very sorry about this, but I've had a busy day, you see. I spent all day shopping for things for my residence hall at university. My mom went to Bed, Bath and Beyond and Target, did some damage and now I have everything to make a new home. Colour scheme has been chosen and it is black and white. I am thrilled to have basic colours, because it means that my posters and photographs will really bring colour into my half of my room. After the shopping, I dove into the beginnings of packing. Sorting out what cosmetics to take, took DVDs out of cases and put them into the empty cd book, divided up which shirts I'll be taking and which I'll be leaving behind, took out school supplies I think I'll need and began to stack up things I'll be taking on my window seat. My room is probably going to start being a mess from here on out, but I don't want to have to stress about this at the last minute. I move out on September 18th and I want to pack as I go so that it can be a smooth of transition as possible.

Wow, that was a boring paragraph. Good thing that is over. Still with me here, BEDA? Awesome. I wish I had more to say. I have no anecdotes to share or stories to tell. I can share with you this channel, whose music has been the background of my manic sorting, cleaning and packing. Her name is Lizzie and she is really fantastic.
I wanted to take a moment to answer commenter CJ from yesterday: I want to study abroad for my sophomore year, so all of next school year. Just thinking about that excites me and has me itching to go...a year in advance, haha. Anyway, I've really appreciated people commenting on my BEDA posts. I know there are a lot of people doing this project and I do mostly post for the sake of my own memories, but I really do appreciate people reading my blog. It's awesome that there are people who are willing to give up a few minutes a day for me. So thanks, everyone and I encourage you to comment because it's great to know more about you. :)
Hope you all had a lovely day, sorry for my lateness and I'll be back with you in the form of words tomorrow. Keep smiling, my friends xx

Futuristic

The future is an exciting thing, my dear blog readers. A very exciting thing, indeed. I lose sight of that from time to time and get caught up in the boring and the mundane. Sometimes I just think about how I have an entire month before I move into my residence hall and how I only have about four exciting things planned between now and then. Sometimes I think about how stir-crazy I am going to get between now and when I go to London in December or between December and whenever I travel after that (as of now, not till the following summer). But then I think about other things. Things like the fact that Mockingjay FINALLY comes out next week or the Portland Zine Symposium panel that I'm speaking on with Tina or Suzanne Collins' tour or the Harry Potter Exhibit in Seattle or run on sentences. I think about London and VidCon and LeakyCon and Lauren's wedding. All these things are wonderful things that I am lucky to have in my future.
In addition to that, lately I've spent hours on end deciding where I want to study abroad, how much money it will cost, what I'll study there, et cetera and I think I'd found a really fitting match for me. I'm already in contact with someone at the school and I've spent the last few hours looking at scholarships and financial aid (I'm going to be in debt till I die, but at least I'll have awesome memories, right?) It feels really good to have things to look forward to and it really helps get me pumped for university. Of course, the stupid thing is that I'm already thinking "oh my god what if I don't get in oh my god," which is something I never thought once when I originally applied for schools. I don't know why I was so confident, but for some reason that confidence is not stretching to study abroad applications. Maybe it's because I have no back-up plan and the application costs $200, which if I get in gets put towards my tuition and if not...well, then I'll lose $200. Keep your fingers crossed for me in the next few months xD
Alright, just got distracted (for three hours) with emails and calls and applications. Studying abroad is complicated. Also, I found a job opening on campus for a library assistant (at the older library) that I am applying for. My school has a brand new library opening this year and I am really hoping to get a job at that one instead, but I'm not closing off options. I'll take what I can get xD But honestly, a librarians assistant? How cool would that be? I mean, I'm sure it'd get boring, but it's better than like...washing dishes or something. Oh man, now I'm going to get a dish washing job. *knocks on wood*
All of the things mentioned in the previous paragraphs are essentially what's currently filling my brain every waking moment. Could be worse, I suppose. Other than that, though, I finished Unwind by Neal Shusterman, which was repulsive and amazing. I should start reading Whatever It Takes by Paul Tough for school, but I just can't get into it. Have any of you read it? I may put it off a little more and read Watching the English by Kate Fox, which Alex bought me in London. Actually, I probably shouldn't start anything that I'll just be throwing aside on Tuesday in favour of Mockingjay. I guess I'll just like...go outside or something. We'll see. I should go because I think that my friend is picking me up pretty soon to hang out once more before he moves to Chicago. Sorry for the haphazard post; my mind is fueled by so many questions and so much excitement that it's hard to contain and condense into a blog post. Have a good Friday, guys! xx

Who I Am

One of the coolest parts about university, to me, is starting over. I've lived in the same place for my entire life and known mostly the same people, when it comes to school. I know about three people going to same university as me and none of them were really my friends in the past and I highly doubt we will be crossing paths much. For all intents and purposes, no one there knows who I am. I can be anything I want. Luckily for me and my less-than-fabulous acting skillz, I generally like who I am. But this summer, I have been making slight alterations in myself to be the me that I want to become. It's like what I say at new years, I don't need resolutions because if I want to change something about myself, I'll do it. So this is me, doing just that. I've mentioned a few things before on my blog, but I'm going to list things I'd like to improve in myself. I think this will be one of those posts that will be interesting to look back on in the coming years. Feel free to comment with things that you'd like to change about yourself!

1. Something that I have been working on for a while now is saying "hate" less. I mean, I rarely said it seriously, but it's such a natural word in my vocabulary, that I found myself saying it about soI've definitely cut it out of my vocabulary a lot, which I'm happy about, but I'm still working on it. I try and save it for things I really hate, like Twilight/HP comparisons and Will Ferrell films ;)
2. Complaining. This one is simple. Complaining doesn't fix things, which brings us to our next thing...
3. Taking action. If I want something, I can get it, I need to believe in myself more and let myself get what I want. This one will be more believable and reachable when I have an income. (More on that latter further down.)
   
4. I've mentioned this recently, so I won't elaborate much, but getting rid of things, being minimalistic, packing less, et cetera. Also, to go along with this, being less materialistic. This doesn't mean I won't still lust after every pair of boots I see in Urban, Topshop or River Island (I have dreams about the boots there), but still. Less stuff.
5. I want to be a better listener. When I took my life skills 2 weekend class in the spring, the teacher talked about different kinds of listeners. The kind who listen to a story and talks about the story, and the kind that listens and then tells their own similar story. Apparently the latter means you aren't as good of a listener because it implies that when the other person was telling the story, you were just relating it to yourself. This is very common human reaction, but I want to be the first type of listener. So that's one that needs a lot of work, because I definitely notice myself doing it quite frequently.
   
6. Less apologising for things I have no control over. This is another one that I've gotten much, much, much better at, but might as well write it down anyways.
   
7. The final thing for now is letting things go. This one I have down. I use to let things get to me so much, but I'm happy that I've learned to let things slide and just relax in general.
   

I'm thrilled that you all seemed to like my photo spam yesterday. And to commenter Kristina, the photo with my friend Eric and I with guns was taken in the greenroom during Ivanov. If you know the play, that will explain the guns and that is also the reason for the wonderful dress I was wearing! Haha.
In other news, my day today consists of Unwind (I know, I know, I'm *still* not done), a meeting and hopefully toothbrushes. I just realised good it feels to say things like "I have a meeting." I have never had a real job* and therefore things like this make me feel important. xD A few other things I'd like to share are that I was in USA Today again and here is the link to that. Are you guys as excited for Mockingjay as I am?! Next, I posted a video today on the question I get asked the most, which is how to make a video so here is that. And finally, I have definitely been lacking enthusiasm for photography in the past few months, but I have decided to get back into the swing of things by posting the only photos I have taken and liked since last posting. Here are those and if you are ever interested in purchasing prints of my photographs, please feel free to email me at kayleyhyde@gmail.com and I really encourage you to comment on the photos if you have anything at all to say about them. I really love hearing what people have to say about my photography :)
Alright, off to the printed page. Till tomorrow, my friends. xx

*I had a nanny job in the past, as well as YouTube. But that's about the extent of my working life, unfortunately.

Friends

Picture spam! I was just thinking about my friends and thought for my BEDA today I'd share some photos of them with me. Personally, the first one is my favourite, hahahaha. I miss Stephen and Adam so much. Hell, I miss all of my friends. It's really hard when most of your friends live across the country or across the world, even, but looking at these photos and remembering all of the laughs and smiles...I am so lucky to have them in my life, regardless of the geography. Also, this has taught me that I do not have enough photographs with any of my friends. Hey, friends? Let's change that.

Just thinking

I've decided for today's BEDA, since I have no anecdotes for you, I'd just list out some thoughts. I'll leave this page open for a few hours and see what I decide to share. Sound good? Awesome :)

• Anyone know of a relatively cheap, fun place to visit for about a week in South America? Is it nice in the spring? Just for future reference.
  
• YouTube needs to do another mass deletion of deleted or dead accounts like they did a couple of years ago.
• I really need to start planning what clothes to pack for school.
• I should bake something for my parents homecoming.
• The iPhone definitely needs to make its way to Verizon. Waaant.
• For those who have asked who my favourite beauty guru is, it's beautycrush. I have unsubscribed to just about everyone else because I don't need the temptation of all the stuff they show, but I love beautycrush's style. it's very much like my own.
• Tumblr is being a pest today. I just want to check my tags in peace!
• I almost wrote piece instead of peace.
• "You can love someone so much...But you can never love people as much as you can miss them." - JG.
• It's surreal to think that I don't have to make 5AG videos for the next month. It's become so second nature to me (which is part of the reason for the break, haha, too much habit and not enough fun).
• Have they created a quiet vacuum, yet? That'd be nice. Vacuums are so noisy.
• Gossip Girl is not holding my attention anymore and I can't bring myself to watch it as much. But I don't like not finishing things I've started, so I'll get on that eventually. I left off at season 2, episode 20.
• I just realised that I have a massive tub of cookie dough in my fridge. Mmmm, lunch.
  
• The most exciting part of uni, besides the new room, is studying abroad. I have been attempting to look into programs online for weeks, but my schools website is not giving me the information I need. I'll have to wait till I can speak with an adviser next month. Regardless, I'll probably study in London, because it's a good base for traveling all around other places in Europe and I know tons of people there. I don't know how long I'd like to study abroad, though. My school is on a quarter system and so I don't know how long the programs are, but I'm assuming one, two or three quarters (unless the school I'm abroad at doesn't have quarters and it has semesters instead...) Ahhh, I want adventures.
• That was less of a thought, more like a paragraph out of a normal blog post. Fail.
• I'm beginning to live my life just waiting for adventures. This can't be healthy.
• Due to the fact that there are a lot of places I plan to go next year, I tend to find myself on kayak.com a lot. Out of curiosity, I just looked at flight prices for Seattle to Orlando for LeakyCon and tickets are only $385! That is SO cheap for Florida. I almost just booked it out of impulse, but I can't book it till I know when VidCon will be because I'm assuming they'll be close enough to just go from one to the other. I hope all of my flights end up being so cheap xD
• Ribena sounds wonderful right now. Dammit.
  
• I've decided not to eat out anymore if I can help it so as to save as much money as possible. (If I write it down, it makes it more official.)
  
• I love Danielle. And her photos are amazing.
• Just edited a video for later this week and my stupid bird was making noises throughout it. Ugh. Annoying.
  
• About a month ago, Alex randomly emailed Sean Maher's manager (twice) for me (I don't know why he did this or what he said, to be honest) and I still have a secret desire that I'll get an email or something from him. LOL.
  
• Thank you to everyone who has been really supportive of the 5AG summer break! We've gotten nothing but positive responses and it's lovely that everyone understands the situation.
• Something really exiting happened for Kristina, but I can't tell you what it is. I'll leave it up to your imaginations.
  
• When I was on London, they advertised the lemon frappuccino at Starbucks everywhere and I thought to myself "oh, it'll be cheaper at home. I'll try it then." IT IS NOT HERE. And I am sad. It's sounds gooood.
• It's troubling that most of diet consists of poptarts and veggie sausage, which are two things which require a toaster and stove, respectively. Two appliances that I cannot have at uni. What am I going to eat?!
  

I think that's enough disjointed thoughts for one day. Hope you enjoyed the inner musings of my (oh-so-complex) mind. I'll leave you with a question I just asked twitter. Sex appeal: something (certain/most?) people inherently have or something we give to them? Discuss in the comments and have a wonderful day.

Cleaning ADD and 5AG Hiatus

I think I have cleaning ADD. My parents get home tomorrow afternoon and I had people over this weekend, so I've been tidying up for a few hours now. Just cleaning things here and there, doing laundry, things like that. But I can't just do ONE THING. One second, I'll be folding blankets and the next I'll be watering the flowers in the backyard and then I'll come back and re-fold the blanket before doing to water the flowers in the front yard and it is driving me crazy. I'm doing everything I can to focus but the focus is not coming. It is unfortunate, to say the least. At least the cleaning is actually getting done, albeit at a strange pace. But yes, my friends have returned to their homes and it is my final night alone in this suburban home. I've spent the entire day since dropping Adam off at the train station, Grace off at home and Justin off at the airport, inside. As you probably know from reading Tina's blog, it has been ridiculously warm here in Seattle and we are not use to it! Due to this, I've been withering away in my house, hiding from the overbearing rays. In other news---
This blog post has just been interrupted by John Green who sent me this video and told me that it was very important because it is the funniest thing he has every seen on the internet. Thought I'd share that. On to your regularly scheduled BEDA post.
---the fiveawesomegirls, which is the collab channel that I am a part of if you didn't know, is taking a break. Consider it a summer vacation of sorts. We are all burned out from themes and time restraints, so we're just going to give ourselves some time to get things back together. The future of 5AG needs to be discussed so that we are not all burned out at the end of the year. You want fiveawesomeHAPPYgirls, right? That's what we thought :) We hope you don't mind our hiatus and we will be with you soon.
The good news is that I, for one, will be focusing a lot more on my personal channel. I have a few videos that I've wanted to do for a really long time and I'm hoping to make a few of those. A lot of you were wondering, for instance, if I was planning on doing a Mockingjay reaction video because I did a Catching Fire one last year. The answer is almost certainly yes, so that's one that I will let you in on. In the meantime, here's a video response to Charlie because I really liked his newest video. Let me know what you would tell your 30 year old self in the comments of either the video or this blog post!
Oh my, I have gotten so distracted while writing this and it has somehow taken over an hour. Ridiculous. I am going to finish cleaning and watch Whip It, which came from Netflix. Man, I love Netflix. Have a good evening, everyone. xx

Clean and Clear

I don't quite know how it happened, but I just realised I've been looking at apartment-y things on the Urban Outfitters website for about 45 minutes. The only thing I'm sure about it that I need these. While on the subject of this, let's give a little back story. I've always loved decorating. When I was younger, I had a dollhouse but didn't care at all about the silly dolls. I think I gave them all away in favour of redecorating and rearranging the house itself for hours on end. When I got a little older, I started to constantly change my bedroom. I'd ask to repaint it every couple of years and I've always had a sick obsession with going to Ikea and dreaming of my perfect apartment/flat. I've desperately wanted to move out of my parents house for years and not because I am that insufferable teenager who thinks that my parents are the worst things that have ever happened to me, but simply because I was a clean slate.
A tiny room shared with another person in a university residence hall may not be exactly what I had in mind, but I am still thrilled to be starting with nothing but white walls. Sure, I want my own place as soon as humanly possible, but I can settle for the time being. So now we're back the start. I have a long list of little things I need to create my living space and I'm really enjoying the anticipation of going out with my mom when she returns and picking things out. I intend to be very minimalistic and plain, which may seem boring but if you've ever seen my room, you'd know why I'd want that. Massive change is definitely in order! The list of things that I am bringing outside of the necessities is pretty limited and consists of a (fairly) short list of books, more clothes than I need (we all have our indulgences, haha) and a few posters (namely An Education, Starry Night, HP1 film, Kristina and Lauren's posters from tour - can't find pictures online but they are awesome). I'm restaining myself from bringing things I know I'll never need/use. Especially with my parents house being so close to my school.
In addition, I'm trying to make myself less materialistic. Don't give me crap, we're all materialistic to a certain extent, even though most people won't admit it. I have always been someone who really loves having things that remind me of experiences. I would buy something everywhere I went, simply to have a physical memory of the event/location/experience. I've spent the last couple years letting go of that habit buy holding fewer things closer to my heart. Teaching myself when I need and don't need and what *really* matters to me. I know that in the future, I'll be traveling a lot and living in various different places, so the less things I feel compelled to bring, the better. When I was younger, I use to take essentially everything I owned everywhere I went. It was ridiculous. So I've been working on that a lot. The whole $25-to-check-a-freaking-bag thing on airlines has helped a lot because it forces me to travel light and I've been meaning to buy a smaller suitcase so that I can downsize even more while traveling, haha.
I didn't expect this blog to end up where it did, but I sort of like it. It's like my mission statement for myself. Though now it does have me fantasizing about traveling and adventuring, which is never healthy for me. Sigh, I do love a good adventure. Well, I should be off. Gathering: Part Two today and I have to awaken the troops on my living room floor. Happy Sunday, m'dears. xx

Way Too Early

What kind of 18 year old girl wakes up, by choice, at 5 or 6am in the middle of the summer? If you guessed this one, you'd be right. For some reason, my body decides to completely awaken at disgusting hours in the morning and so here I am at a quarter to seven, all ready for the day with nothing left to do. I have Justin and Kimmi in the living room, asleep. They got here yesterday and we had many laughs and funtimes already. Justin and I also talked to Amy on skype last night and she is so lovely. You should check her out :) But yes, they are here for the gathering today and soon Adam will join our party, so that should be fabulous.
I'm really hoping that the gathering will go well today. I've put a lot of time into making this work, so keep your fingers crossed for me, haha. I'm not going to lie, though, I do really wish that I was still in London seeing John Green and all of my friends over there party it up. Sigh. That WOULD happen to be planned the same week as my gathering and the week after I'm there. Just my luck. But still, everyone who is already there right now, have an amazing time and take video! I'll be creepin' the internet tomorrow for footage and I don't want to be disappointed.
I'm sorry that this is such a pathetic excuse for a post. But I encourage you to go to my blog from yesterday and respond to the questions I asked, because I found the few responses I got really interesting and I'd love to hear more :) But for now, I guess I'll go back to responding to emails and figuring out what the heck we're going to use for scavenger hunt prizes. Ha. Later kids.

The Art of Falling

Lost, confused, unseen and used
Dangerously fighting for nothing to lose
My progress is calling, it's noticed I'm falling
It's time for a change, it's time for a move

And I know that it's frightening
But it's oh so exciting
I'm taking a risk
That I know is worth fighting it's

Better to make your mistakes
Than to live without knowing it's
Better to fall on your face than to stay on your feet as long as you tried

Sometimes it's hard to think my time here has ended
It troubles me to think about who I've offended
But I can't live my life,
In the interest of those,
Holding me back when I'm stood on my toes

But too many times I've been risking my life
Making decisions whilst trying to be nice it's

Better to make your mistakes
Than to live without knowing it's
Better to fall on your face than to stay on your feet as long as you tried

Since I saw Greg Holden twice in two days last weekend, I've spent a lot of time in the last week listening to his music that I purchased off iTunes. This is my favourite song because it really resonates with me at the time being. A few months ago, I would have listened to this and thought it was good and moved on. But now is means so much to me. It's funny how things fall in and out of importance in your life. How one month, something could be the most important thing in your world and the next, it could be completely irrelevant. Things change, people change, every moment of every day and it's amazing. I know that change gets a bad reputation, but I'm all for change. Tradition is wonderful, but I've learned that even the oldest and greatest traditions need bending and building and growing. Seeing things differently, new experiences, breaking away from the habitual instincts I am prone to - these are things I love to do. They are what make up who I am every day. And if people don't appreciate that and don't want to be a part of the changing life of Kayley Hyde or whatever, than so be it. But I'm not about to change that part about myself, because it is one of my favourite parts of me. Which brings me back to the song. I've put the lyrics that I feel in particular relate to my life in bold. I'd love to hear what your favourite parts of yourself are or what song currently relates to your life. Now I have too much to do and not enough time to do it before people arrive. Have a lovely Friday. xx

All By Myself

I just got my room assignment for university, which is just crazy. It is partially crazy because about five minutes before getting the email, I got an email from Alex asking if I'd gotten it yet and partially crazy because, you know, that's where I'll be LIVING pretty soon. I'm on the fifth floor, so I'm hoping that means I get a view. And I only have one roommate, instead of a possible tripe or quad (yikes!). I was actually planning on talking about moving out and living on my own and such in today's post, so it is nice that I got this information today (even though I was suppose to get it last week).
My parents are in Paris for the week, so I am spending a lot of time by myself. Also, I have to remember to do a lot of things that normally I go through my day without thinking about. Watering my moms plants, for instance. Remembering to switch the laundry from the washer to the dryer (luckily my best friend helps me with that one xD Waking up early enough to let my dogs out of the house and feed them. I've always been an extremely independent person, but these are things that my parents have always done without me really noticing. To think that in a months time, I will probably be responsible for even more little things that I haven't even noticed yet is a bit daunting. I'm sure I will be fine, but it is so strange. When you live in the same house your whole life, you begin to take things for granted. I'm hoping that it won't come back to bite me in the ass when I move out, ha.
Let's see, what else am I up to...not much. I went grocery shopping because although I love mac and cheese and zucchini, I needed a few more things. I cleaned the house in preparation for some friends to stay for the gathering this weekend (are you coming? let me know in the comments!), filled out some paperwork for school and tons of other chores. Also, I listened to Alex's new acoustic EP that he recorded the other day. It is really, really good. You should purchase it on DFTBA when it comes out. Whenever that may be. :)
Have a good evening, guys. I think I'm going to just curl up with some tea and read, even though it's gorgeous outside. I walked a lot today to the store and to print photos and such, so I can justify it :P

P.S. Just realised this is my 100th post. Damn. Yay me? Haha. xx

“People say that what we’re all seeking is a meaning for life. I don’t think that’s what we’re really seeking. I think that what we’re seeking is an experience of being alive, so that our life experiences on the purely physical plane will have resonances within our own innermost being and reality, so that we actually feel the rapture of being alive.”

— Joseph Campbell, The Power of Myth.

It's definitely time for a re-read of this book. I'm such a Rory Gilmore sometimes.

Friendship

Today has been really nice because I spent the day with friends. This morning, I went to brunch with three friends I've had since kindergarten. One of them is moving the the other side of the country for good (as in, her family moved over there and she is going to school there), which is sad for me and amazing for her. I'm so happy for her, but it was my first goodbye to an IRL friend, so that was a bit surreal for me. I don't have a lot of friends around here and I feel like I have taken most of the ones I do have for granted, but I'm glad I had a chance to say goodbye and I made a promise to myself to keep in touch with her. After that, my best friend (Lauren - her blog is amazing) and I spent some much needed time together. I shared my London tales, we went for a walk and made cookies. It was lovely. Then another friend joined us and this friend is currently in the process of moving to...wait for it...Hawaii. Her family is moving there and although she is sticking around for university, they are my neighbors, so it is so sad to see them all go :( But spending time with my Moony and Wormtail was fun.

Now let's talk family, aka the photograph to the right. The second I stepped into the Nericoollikeation, I made this picture a priority. It is so wonderful. This picture has about 600 notes on it on tumblr since Lex posted it a couple days ago, which is so crazy. I responded to a lot of the "who are those girls sharing a picture with my future husband?" type reblogs because I feel like sometimes people need reminding that the internet is not always anonymous and anyone has access to things you post. Reality check, I guess, haha. But anyway, yeah, wonderful image. So happy it exists.
Other than that, I made/posted my 5AG video. You should definitely spread it around to get me a date with Skandar Keynes ;) And now I'm going to watch some Gossip Girl, which I haven't done since before London. Happy Wednesday! xx