I've been thinking a lot about how much of ourselves we give to other people. I think we live in an unusually closed off world, where we are afraid of saying too much or acting on our feelings more than is socially acceptable. There's also a certain amount of fear involved. Whether it's opening up to a friend or to the entire internet, it is hard to tell how much is too much and what the right time is to let others know certain things. We build walls or bridges or whatever metaphoric structures you prefer and only let others in when we're sure that they are worth it. And while, yes, this is a practical method, I think we spend too much time thinking about the consequences of telling people things verses the consequences if we don't.
I don't know if that really makes sense. I suppose this was brought on to the fact that I got a comment on a video from a non-troll, genuinely asking what my hobbies were outside of re-reading the Harry Potter books. Now, I'll be honest, at first, I laughed at this. But after a couple hours, I remembered it again and I get a little worried that there is someone out there who thinks one of my hobbies is actually sitting around re-reading Harry Potter. Don't get me wrong, I love me some Potter, but it's not like I just sit in my room all day going through the books. And this lead me to thinking about how much of my life I share with the internet. I suppose that if you just watch my videos, a lot of them ARE about Harry Potter. You may not see that lately, I've spent most of my day drawing, watching television and talking to my friends on Skype. You don't know how important my friends are to me or how worried I am about money or how great the cookies I just made are. Which isn't the fault of anyone. These aren't really things that I need to share with people who, yes, care about me, but don't really know who I am when I'm not on a screen. And because of the fact that I hold things back, people tend to assume things about me that are not true, or at least not fully. Despite my trivial example involving a commenter thinking I spend my days curled up on my bed with a good book I've read hundreds of times, it's more than that. There's just as much of a risk when withholding information as there is with sharing it.
This thought pattern is not really going to change anything about my videos, in case you were wondering. I'm not about to get really personal with you because, you know, it's the internet and you can only tell strangers so many things before you have creepers knocking down your door (your metaphoric internet door and, like, your actual door.) But I am an incredibly hyper-aware person when it comes to divulging personal information and so these are the types of things I think about. And besides, I think I'm pretty damn honest with you guys as it is. Seriously, what more do you want from me? (For the record, my Social Security number is off-limits.)
I guess the moral of this story is to not be so sheltered with yourself. Whether it be your friends or someone who you may really care about, open up. Sure, it's a risk, but what's the use in being alive if you aren't going to celebrate exactly who you are with people you care about? You're probably pretty freaking awesome, so share a little more of yourself with the world and see what happens. If it's good, report back and if it's not, um, hey look a puppy! Secrets are great, but sometimes it's even more fun to share them with people. I'll talk to you guys tomorrow.
Days till London: 32.
Episodes of The Hour watched today: 4, all caught up & it is SO GOOD.