The past few months on the internet have been really frustrating for me. One of the reasons I have started two separate channels this year was in the hopes of spreading out to a wider audience, getting to interact with different sectors of YouTube and just to talk about things I really, really like. While they have provided that, I've also felt the same lingering problems lurking in every area of my online life and that is assholes. I'm not talking abut trolls or random hate comments and I'm not just whinging because people are being mean to me. I've been doing this for five years and am fully aware of what the anonymity of the internet can do to people, but this is more than that. It's just getting to the point that it's not fun anymore.
Every single video I post, I'd say about 30% of the comments are pointing out a fault I made, questioning an opinion in a disrespectful manner, correcting me even when what I have said is actually correct, et cetera. I do not script my videos. I do not sit around thinking over everything I want to say in a video. That has never been me and I never want it to be me because it's SO EASY to see when people do that and I don't consider it vlogging. It's not a style of vlog that I enjoy doing because the fun of vlogging is just having something to talk about and work through my thoughts in a medium with an open discussion. It's just gotten to the point where everything I say is suddenly a cause for attack and I am always "wrong" and because there is so much content out there, I am being compared to so many things that I am not at all influenced by and it's just getting so old.
Getting harassed over why I keep my private life private, be it my relationship, my uni, etc, is getting old. Getting called out for everything I say is getting old. Getting told that I need to pin my hair back because it's bothering people whose head the hair is not on (mine) is getting old. People not understanding that just because I don't do something on camera on the internet, I don't do it, is getting old. People telling me that I can't take constructive criticism is getting old.
On that note, I AM NOT ON THE INTERNET FOR CONSTRUCTIVE CRITICISM. Talking about things in my life is not some sort of art I am perfecting. I am not trying to become a professional video blogger. I do not want to be a model. I don't study English or want to be a literature professor. Nothing I do on the internet is because I want to improve in any way. For some people, yes, sure. For me? No. I do not make videos to better any skill and therefore writing off your asshole comments as "constructive criticism" does not make you any less of an asshole because I don't need your developments. I just do this for fun, but just every aspect of it is becoming less fun because people just think that they are so fucking entitled to more than I give them or think they have a right to tell me how I should make my videos or live my life.
I seriously don't record a video anymore without having to rerecord half of it in fear of saying something that could, in some way, make people pick me apart. I am a very confident person, but it's just getting to the point where it just feels masochistic to even make videos. I can't read comments anymore without getting so angry as to why people feel the need to be so RUDE. I've always been one of the people who reads every comment and responds to as many as possible, but I can't even do that anymore because there's just so much negativity. As I have made it clear on my blog and in videos in the past, I find negativity the most draining thing in the world. Being surrounded by people who are inherently negative makes me really unhappy and it's the same crushing feeling when I read the majority of the comments of my videos. I like people and the internet and I have so much respect for both, but my adoration for them is dwindling.
I am sure there are loads of holes in what I was trying to say in this blog, but I just needed to vent. I regret nothing I've said here. Are there awesome people on YouTube? Yes. Are most of the people reading this probably in that category? Yes. But I don't know where to go from here. I'm seriously considering my life on the internet and what this all means for the future. There's just very little fun in it for me anymore because it's being crippled by the internet's constant need to tear people down and be right about anything. Essentially what it comes down to is that it's not fair that I have to put up with this. Being a person on the internet does not give people the right to say the things to me that they say. It does not give them the right to tell me how boring, ugly, wrong, bitchy, whatever I am. Because I am none of those things. (Well, I'm wrong about some things.) No one has the right to make me feel like I am and the fact that it's take five years of this to have people drill me down to this level is a sentiment to how much I believe in myself. This is not a weakness in my character and I don't want to look back on this blog in a few years and think that I was weak enough to let people get to me. I am not weak. I am tired and I am not having fun and that's all there is to it right now.
I wish I could say I am going to take a break, but I have some pre-recorded videos and things come up all of the time that make me want to make a video. I just don't think I'll be as active elsewhere, including the comments. I have so much else to be doing with my life right now that having people tell me how much of an idiot I am for not wanting to talk about what uni I'm at or how annoying it is that I move MY hair out of MY face or how much they hate me because I didn't like The Hunger Games film (which, no, I won't be talking about anytime soon anywhere online) is just something I don't need in the picture. I don't know. I'm just angry and bored of putting up with it all. But no one is making me, but me. So we'll see, I guess.
This has been a post.
32 comments:
I enjoy and love the things you do, and i just wanted to tell you that :) <3
I don't make videos (yet), and even I get frustrated with the way viewers treat YouTubers. I get especially angry when they constantly badger people for personal information. I had to unsubscribe from Ingrid Nillsen's second channel, because the whole "LUKE AND INGRID OMG ARE YOU DATING KISS MAKE OUT BOYFRIEND TAG SHOW US" comments drove me to insanity. I didn't like the daily vlogs that much anyway, but still. It just made me feel so sad and frustrated.
It seems "fanbases" (I don't enjoy using that word but it's unfortunately the way YT is heading) feel as though they have a right to know everything about the person. I think it comes with the over-familiarity that vlogs offer; people feel as though they know the YouTubers they watch personally, and thus feel the need to understand their private lives.
I'm sorry you've gotten to this point, Kayley. I'm subscribed to all four of your channels, and I adore each and every one. The realism of your content is refreshing. I don't care about what uni you go to, or your boyfriend, or any of that shit. I care about that amazing headband that you wore in the latest video on Kayleyscloset, your soon-to-come April book haul, and basically any vlog you come up with, particularly ones on travel.
Feel better! :]
I had no idea that haters could get to people like this---I'm really sorry. And I know you hold on and make videos for the good people that you actually do respond to. I have no advice for you because I don't make videos/put myself out there except on tumblr, where everyone is accepting, but I wonder if other youtubers have similar discomforts?
Also, none of it is your fault. I enjoy your videos and I think I'll comment more now to drown out the negativity of those other people! FOUR FOR YOU, GLEN COCO. YOU GO GLEN COCO!
I was so saddedned to read this blog post, and I get so angry at people who think it's okay to constantly criticise youtubers videos and badger youtubers for information about their personal lives, which is quite frankly none of their business!
Personally, when it comes to youtube comments I adopt what I call 'Thumper's rule.' If you have nothing nice to say then don't say anything at all.
I enjoy all your videos, and I was so excited when you started your booktube channel. I always look forward to your uploads and watch them first from my subs list.
Looking forward to your upcoming videos whether you only make 5 more or you are here in 5 years time having made 200 more.
I also want to agree with the commenter above -Alloquy- as everything they said I agree with.
Hope people learn some respect soon and you feel a bit better about YT, but for now, just enjoy your life and do what you want to do! :)
PS. I also love your blog, and you made me want to eat those chocolate bars in your last post but sadly I gave it up for Lent...so roll on Easter! As for the HG thing, I would be interested in why you didn't like the film, since I enjoy your film reviews, and I find it equally interesting to read negative reviews of films as positive ones but I totally understand that people go to such extremes and cannot accept that some people don't like the same things as them, that it would likely lead to you receiving comments that would leave you downhearted and picked on. So I respect your choice :)
I'm so sorry this is happening to you, Kayley. It's so frustrating to watch these jerks leaving ridiculous, hurtful comments on videos of people I watch and whose content I enjoy. I don't think I'll ever completely understand why they feel the need to leave those types of comments. I think some of it may be that they see someone who is confident in herself and putting herself out there. Maybe they wish that they could do that themselves, but feel too insecure and so, instead of working on themselves, they lash out at those people they see doing what they wish they had the strength to do.
Personally, I hope you continue to make videos and put out content, but I know the decision is entirely up to you. I just hope you do what makes you happy!
I really sincerely enjoy the videos and blogs. I'm sad to hear about all the negativity. I hate negativity too and hate constructive criticism. If people don't like people's videos then they should just stop watching them instead of posting negativity I would hope that you would continue to post content on your blog and YouTube channels. I hope you do what makes you happy even if that means giving up on YouTube videos completely or for awhile.
I truly wish there was a way for everyone to overcome this. I've seen Youtube commenters getting worse and worse for ages, and anyone that puts time into creating content doesn't deserve it. This situation is so frustrating for me, a viewer, I can only imagine what it's like for you. You're one of my favorite people on Youtube, and definitely the first video I watch when I see it in my subscriptions. Whether you choose to keep making videos or leave for however long, I wish you only the best in whatever you do :)
Hi Kayley! I am one of your YouTube viewers and have been watching your videos since around 2007, my freshman year of high school. I am now a college student and still enjoy your videos everytime they appear in my sub box. I know that there are LOADS of crappy, shitty, horrid, people in this world who feel the need to nitpick and disect and bring down others just because they can, I've felt that in my life to. I think that if you feel the need to step away for awhile or forever, then do it. It's okay to leave something knowing you've made amazing videos and have even touched some lives. If you don't feel the need just yet to walk away, then don't! It's okay if you stop reading comments and just make the videos knowing that you have people out there who know what you're all about and care about you for who you are. Thank you Kayley for your honesty! - Taylor Nicole :)
I like watching your videos because you have retained the vlog vibe despite having a fairly large audience and that you give us your opinions about things, even if they are unpopular. I see you as a real, down to earth person on the internet, something that is sometimes hard to find. I really appreciate what you do.
Feel happy soon, Kayley. If they don't have anything nice to say then they shouldn't say anything at all. They aren't worth reading. And as it goes, I like your hair!
Kayley I'm so sorry that people are treating you this way. They just need to realize that if they don't like something it is 100% okay to not watch it. I don't understand why that is such a hard concept to grasp. I will never understand why some people think that nasty comments like that are okay. You would never go up to an acquaintance and say something like, "You seem cool, but I don't really like your hair, the way you move your hands when you talk, and the way you stand. So you should defiantly work on those things for the next time I come up to you and try and have a conversation with you."
I personally really like your videos and have been pretty impressed with how mature you suddenly seem. Not like you haven't been mature all along, I mean, it was a little bit of a shock when I found out you are only two years older than me and that was before the days of 5AG. It's just that it seems like you have really grown up a lot in the past year or so and that is really cool to see.
Anyway HATERZ GONNA HATE or something... even though they are ridiculous and frustrating and can sometimes make you want to stay in bed and not talk to anyone except your mother. Chin up and remember that you can always call upon your loyal and loving viewers to thumbs down all the assholes. Seriously I have a paper I need to write and I wouldn't mind procrastinating for a couple of hours.
RIGHT?! I went to Nerdist (podcast) even in Atlanta this weekend and most of the people asking questions were telling Chris, Jonah, and Matt how they could improve their podcast. NO ONE ASKED. NO ONE. I've had people pick at my character, the way I talk, the way I hold myself. I'm not changing that! Also, I respect that you don't script. I think about what I'm going to say and I write down my reviews, but I don't script. It makes me feel too stiff. Keep doin' what you're doin'! :]
I love the style of your videos and I totally respect everything you do and what you keep private. Some things are better kept that way. Just know that there are a lot of people who love your stuff!
I wish there was some spell to magic all the arseholes away, because you leaving Youtube would break my heart.
You are the most thoughtful, open-minded, and genuine person I watch on Youtube, and I sincerely want to see you continue discussing interesting topics, trying new things, or travelling over the coming years.
The haters gon' hate but don't for a second let their snotty opinions bother you. You're Kayley Hyde, goddamnit!! Put those fools in their place!
It is a shame that some people on youtube have nothing better to do with their time then comment negatively on other people's videos. It seems like most of the time these negative voices seem to be louder then the positive ones.
I love your videos, they are entertaining, interesting and it is great to see you talking about what you are passionate about. That is the reason I watch and subscribe! From what I have seen you are a intelligent, mature, beautiful young women and someone I have genuine admiration for. It takes courage to put yourself out there and it is a horrible thing that some people choose to bring you down for that.
Just remember that there are people watching who think you are brilliant and love what you do!
I'm really sorry that some people are making doing something you love so frustrating and hurtful. I really enjoy your videos, on all channels, and I hope you don't stop anytime soon, but I'd understand if you chose to, or if you made yourself more discrete on the Internet. Making one's life relatively public asks for a bit of confidence in oneself and especially in the rest of the world to accept and respect one another. I'm sad this isn't the case sometime and that people do things just because they can without thinking about you-as-a-person.
I hope you can find some fun and happiness in it all soon. And whatever you choose to do, know that a lot of your viewers/readers/followers would support you in any way!
I'm not sure if this is specifically what you're talking about, but as a Brit, one of the things I dread when I look at YouTube comments is when fellow Brits tear apart Americans or other foreign nationals who have made some observation on British life and their experience moving to another country. It's so smug and makes me cringe. Like, really? Pointing out the smallest factual errors is that important to you? Important enough that you're willing to act like a pompous dick?
I think that if I were in your position, I would launch a counter-attack. You're not obligated to enable comments on your videos; people expressing their opinions on content that YOU have created is a privelege you afford them. My choice would probably be to disable comments and encourage people to leave video responses; videos are the point of YouTube after all. But I get that you may not want to do that. So instead, maybe devote a portion at the end of your videos to highlight and discuss some comments you've received on the previous video. Be merciless. If people are willing to say stupid shit, they ought to be open to some "constructive criticism" in return. I know it's probably negative to focus on the hateful comments, but if you have a sense of humour about it, it doesn't have to be. People who say dumb things need to be called out on it far more often than they are. They are not entitled to say whatever they like and just leave stinking piles of ignorance and rudeness in their wake for everyone else to deal with. If people know their messages are open to scrutiny and mockery, maybe they'll think twice about what they say.
I stopped reading the comments of Youtube videos for the same reason. I watch, and I think what I think, usually without commenting. I know this probably makes me just as bad as the assholes because it reduces the positive feedback, but it's all that I am comfortable with at the moment.
I get that you probably didn't write this because you wanted people to make you feel better, but I hope that we did in some small way, all the same.
You're right, as well. The last word anyone would use to describe you is weak.
You are very inspiring vlogger and blogger, and I hope you know that you have been a blessing and inspiration to me and so many others. We have no reason to expect anything more from you, but thank you so much for the joy that you have given and the light that you have been. I'm sorry that us viewers have not been nearly as supportive as you deserve. One of the things I've always appreciated the most about your vlog, the reason I even subscribed in the first place (other than harry potter), is that you were so conversational and genuine seeming. Thank you for being you.
At least it's safe and lovely here in blog-land?
This... basically sucks, and I'm so sorry that you have to deal with it! I hope you'll continue to make awesome content, which so many of us are truly grateful for.
Take it easy, do what makes you happy and ignore the haters! (useless advice is useless)
You are the youtuber that I can relate to the most, you are so thoughtful and insightful and I love all the content you post. Although I would be really sad if you took a break I would understand why you would do it. Just know that there are people who appreciate and enjoy every video or post that you make. Feel better <3
It's pretty obvious from these comments that there are people who care about you, and while I admit, sometimes I do wonder to myself where you go to uni etc , I agree that ultimately, it's your life. At the end of the day, you should be able to post whatever you like and keep withdrawn from us whatever you like. And whatever decisions you make are not mine (or anyone else's for that matter) to question. So do keep making your youtube videos. For all the hundreds and thousands of idiots out there, there are still some of us who genuinely feel excited to see a new video posted by you. :)
I understand how physically and mentally draining negativity can be. There are quite a few backstabbing hens at my place of employment, and even though it shouldn't bother me, when I'm around them 75% of my daily life it's hard not to let it! I would work 10-13 hour days (most of them would only work 8..because they had children and had to leave...etc..), I would bust my ass, and never complain. It was never good enough. I was either working too fast or too slow. One day I would be told to do something a certain way, and then be reprimanded for it a month later. Not to mention, whoever wasn't in the room was most assuredly being bitched about. For any reason imaginable. Two weeks ago I was offered a promotion, and barely have to see those women. :) What a relief! The only sad part is we hired the sweetest girl imaginable a month before I got out of that room, and now she is experiencing everything I was! :/ She is a big girl and can handle it, but it's so disheartening to see.
You are an amazing person and vlogger! I enjoy hearing about all of your interests, which are very similar to mine! Maybe you should just disable the comments entirely. :/ It sucks that people have to be so cruel for no good reason.
I want to start by saying that I think your videos and blogs are thoughtful, articulate, and interesting. I very much enjoy watching and reading them. You show yourself to unique and intelligent: two astounding qualities. And, I'm sorry that you're going through this.
Luckily, I believe Dumbledore has something to say: “Really Hagrid, if you are holding out for universal popularity, I'm afraid you will be in this cabin for a very long time." Unfortunately, haters are a part of life. There are always going to be people who are immature and rude enough to think it's their personal right to tell you how wrong you are. On the internet or off. Yes, the internet has a higher concentration of them. Yes, it gives these people a place to be anonymous and ruthless in their criticism. But these people exist offline as well.
My point is, everyone encounters this in one form or another. AND IT SUCKS. It hurts, no matter how confident you are. And sometimes it makes you feel like curling into a ball and never leaving the house again. But really, what kind of life would that be?
I think the fact that you are brave enough to address this is a great testament to your inner strength. So my advice is this: do your best to ignore the crazies. And when you can't, seek out your friends and family. Find the people you can lean on. And RANT.
I'm sorry that that's all happened to you :\
All I can really say is that I love you! as much as a fan can? ha
I used to post videos on youtube, but now I don't.. there were creeps, and I didn't feel like dealing with that. Also, life got in the way.. Sometimes I miss it tho, and i do miss the people I met. :\
again, i love you and there's not much i can say. i encourage you to follow your heart :) and personally, i don't get why people get so involved in peoples lives that they don't know? kind of like how some people are obsessed with "celebrities" like snookie, and what she does.. i don't get it. it's not like her decisions impact their lives. it's dumb.. i liked the hunger games movie, but i feel perfectly fine about you not liking them. it's like some people forget the manners they were taught in pre school.
Hey kayley I love your videos so much because we have so much in common and I love the way you talk about certain subjects
I think that you should take a break because I agree it's frustrating to look at the fucked up comments that say shit...but when you come back remember that you will always have your lovers whatever the haters do to you.
XxxSaya
I have been seeing this kind of thing on Youtube a lot lately, and it really upsets me, because I wish I could be nice enough to make up for all the jerks. It frustrates me that people who are awesome get so frustrated they have difficulty sharing that awesome; it makes me angry, and sometimes I direct that at the Youtubers instead of the jackasses, which I know is wrong, but I just wish sharing things didn't mean putting yourself in the line of fire. I'm sorry about them, but I hope you keep making videos, and I hope you remember that it is entirely and wholly not about you. People are rude and nitpicky and mean because of them, and if you make something and they complain, that's not about you. So don't forget that. And remember; 70% of us think you're awesome.
Don't let a few dumb people stop you from doing what you love. I thought I was the only one with subbers who could not wait to correct me. lol I feel like saying "Sorry I am human and make mistakes!" But I just let them do it because I think need to be right to feel better about themselves.
~Stacy
Kayley, this is the reason I haven't been able to get myself to put videos on Youtube. I'm drawn to the idea of sharing something I've created (just for the fun of it), but the prospect of people ruthlessly criticizing everything I do is too daunting for me. I feel as though it won't be worth it. I have watched too many videos where there are so many cruel, negative comments that the people making them doesn't even read comments anymore. These are Youtubers who have taken the time and energy to share a part of their lives with us. Would they be criticized as much if they were in a real-life setting rather than on the Internet?
I'm sorry this is happening to you. I admire you for making videos in spite of people's annoying reactions. It's something I will probably never have the courage to do because negativity gets to me far too easily. I hope you do continue to share your videos because they are an inspiration to the rest of us!
Kayley, I really hope this sort of very negative, draining experience wouldn't stop you from making the videos. There are assholes everywhere and unfortunately online people do tend to think they are entitled to everything they want. You come across like such a lovely, strong spirited, interesting, intelligent person. It would be a shame if those rude know-it-alls take you away from the viewers who really appreciate your videos. I hope you'll find a way to deal with this issue and stay content. Best wishes!
After reading all these comments about how you're such a great person (which I also believe) it feels kinda funny to really just be commenting in relief that there is someone else that exists that didn't like the Hunger Games movie. I completely respect that you don't want to talk about it online, but at the same time, thank you so much for mentioning it.
Hi Kayley/other people reading Kayley's blog!
I know I'm a bit late in replying but I've been thinking for a while about all the issue that you addressed, and to be honest, I don't see any true solution.
While I always try to thumbs down nasty comments, I don't see any real way to stop people from leaving these hurtful/rude comments, short of getting rid of the comment sections altogether (which would be sad for the rest of us!).
I guess the bottom line is that you have to do what makes you happy. I know I (and many others) would be sad to see you stop making videos, you have to do what you enjoy. If the negative comments are enough to ruin all of Youtube for you, than I fully respect your decision to leave.
I don't know if reading this will help you deal with this problem, but I just wanted to say thanks for all the great videos/blog posts etc. Remember that while there are a lot of jerks out there, there are also people (like me!) who don't want to pry into your personal life, respect you, and just hope that no matter what uni you go to, or who you are dating, you are happy.
Anyway, thanks for reading this (if anyone ever reads this!), bye guys.
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