On 'Lucky'

Wrote this a few weeks back, thought I ought to post it. 
I have been intending to make a video about this for ages, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it when I knew I'd get so much negativity for it. So I'll blog it, I suppose. Let's talk about the word 'lucky.' Lucky is defined as having or being marked by good luck. Luck is defined as "the force that seems to operate for good or ill in a person's life, as in shaping circumstances, events or opportunities." A force. Something that cannot be controlled. Something that doesn't even scientifically exist.   

So why, for the love of everything good, are people constantly using this word? Anytime I share any experience I am having online, I feel like the only responses I get are jealousy* or people saying how 'lucky' I am. No. I am not a lucky human being. Fortunate, yes. Grateful, yes. But almost nothing in my life was just given to me in some stroke of luck. I do not live in London because I am lucky. I do not travel because I am lucky. I do not have the friends I have** because I'm lucky. I live in London because I worked my ass off to make it work, I travel because I save every penny to do so and I have my friends because, believe it or not, they like me. It's just not fair to write off my achievements as 'luck.' A couple of weekends ago, I went to the Doctor Who Convention in Cardiff, Wales and almost all of the tweets or whatever I got about it were telling me how lucky I was to be there. No, I traveled hundreds of miles and paid £100 or something to be there. That is not luck. I am not lucky. I don't even know if I really believe in luck (I prefer coincidence) and if I did, I would never associate it with specific achievements or experiences people have. 

Do what you want. Work for it, if you have to. Save your money. See new things. Have new experiences. But absolutely never tell yourself that you are where you are because you're lucky. A series of events, decisions and possibly coincidences led you to where you are, not luck. I don't believe in giving anything or anyone (ooh see what I did there? maybe not) full credit for what I've done and I bid you to do the same. Also, stop telling me I'm lucky. 

I am not lucky. But thanks anyway. 

Train journeys this year: 19.

Books read this year: 18.

Videos posted this year: 36th is currently uploading.

* I understand jealousy, I do. But it's really not fun to share things with the internet when people are just constantly making it about them by telling me how unfair it is or how jealous they are. I don't know. That's something that's always really bothered me. It's just a really overused word. 

** Just for the record, anytime someone says how lucky I am to have my friends, I take it as an insult. Because it is. It implies that I am not good enough for them and that they are all greater than me and that by some stroke of luck they have decided to honor me with their friendship. Shocker here: I am their friend because they like me. Not because I caught them on a good day to seal the friendship deal. Ugh. 

EDIT: I just read a New York Times article on Peter Dinklage and needed to include this excerpt to add to this post:

“I feel really lucky,” he said, then added, “although I hate that word — ‘lucky.’ ” When I asked him why, he mulled it over for a moment, looking away. Then he focused back on me. “It cheapens a lot of hard work,” he said. “Living in Brooklyn in an apartment without any heat and paying for dinner at the bodega with dimes — I don’t think I felt myself lucky back then. Doing plays for 50 bucks and trying to be true to myself as an” — here he put on a faux snooty voice — “artist and turning down commercials where they wanted a leprechaun. Saying I was lucky negates the hard work I put in and spits on that guy who’s freezing his ass off back in Brooklyn. So I won’t say I’m lucky. I’m fortunate enough to find or attract very talented people. For some reason I found them, and they found me.”

EDIT: Got this comment and because blogspot STILL doesn't seem to allow me to reply, I'm update the blog to do so because this person seems to have missed the entire point of this blog.

I think you're taking the word a bit too literally. And also, part of it is luck, some people aren't fortunate enough or don't have the time or money to be able to go to a Doctor Who convention in Wales, for example.

Firstly, no. I am not taking the word to literally, I am being the only one of the two of us who is using the word correctly. Using a word properly can not be "too literal." In fact it is perfectly literal. It is the definition of the word. Secondly, no again. I was not lucky to have the time or the money. I saw there there was going to be a convention months ago so I made of point of saving and putting aside the money and saving the weekend for it. Anyone could do that and I'm not lucky for it. This is exactly why I wrote this blog, because of what you're implying. No, for some it was too far to travel and too expensive and not possible. That's not unlucky, that's just...facts. That is how life is. Sometimes we cannot afford things. Some people who maybe couldn't afford to go to the convention live in New Zealand, which is somewhere I'd give anything to go to. Are they lucky? No. They just live there. They've either been born there or have made their way there by choice. Am I unlucky? No, I just cannot afford to go to New Zealand, which is upsetting, but I'll get there one day. Luck does not play into ANY of these scenarios. Also, for future reference, calling something "too literal" is almost as infuriating as people who tell anyone with an opinion to "calm down." Almost. So just...avoid doing that unless someone is ACTUALLY being too literal, which is actually really rare in comparison to how often it's said.

A bit of a failure

Remember that time I missed a day on BEDA? No, me neither.
Actually, I'm going to be honest here. As much as it sort of pains me to say this, I don't think I'm going to keep up with BEDA this month. I was mostly only doing it for the sake of tradition and don't really have the motivation to be posting loads here. How about I do...BALIA? Yeah, blog a lot in April. That's why Bryarly is doing and she is pretty awesome, so it must be a great thing to do. I'll try and be back here every day, but I am in Edinburgh now and it's just never easy for me to blog away from home. Anyway, as penance for this announcement and for just generally being shit this month, I give you a picture of me as an adorable child, as it was yesterdays photoadayapril:

As for today's, the theme was 'cold' and as I am in Scotland, the most appropriate photo was of the outside, taken from the bed, under the duvet. Yup.

Right, sorry for the shit blog post and everything, but Liam and I are made oreo milkshakes and I am a person with priorities. Most of my priorities involve oreos. Have a lovely evening guys, I'll be less shit soon!

Train journeys this year: 17.

Books read this year: 17.

Videos posted this year: 34.

Chaos in Hyde Park

Today's photoadayapril was 'inside your wallet' which is a BIT intrusive for my liking. So here are some things in my wallet with no important numbers on them, wheeeyyy!

Yesterday, I went to this "YouTube"* gathering in Hyde Park. I went because my friend Hannah was going to be there and I like her, so I agreed to go. Now, let me just say this, it's not that I  don't like gatherings. Well, no, it's exactly that. I just…there's this "us versus them" thing that goes on at gatherings and it all makes me very uncomfortable. I like meeting people, especially people who watch my videos and are nice and interesting, but I find the idea of people crowding around other people for their autograph just very weird, especially when it's my friend. This gathering, though, was particularly terrible. I probably should have expected it when I looked at the event page on Facebook and saw that it was hosted by a certain ex-Big Brother contestant who chose to use the event page to lay out which ~famous YouTubers~ would be there. However, nothing could have prepared me for what we saw as we entered the park. Hundreds of screaming girls chasing after a scrawny guy with a megaphone. Surrounding him as he tossed cream eggs into the air for them to catch. I honestly felt a little ill at both parties. But then again, if you watch my videos, you'll have seen that I am just in general really wary of the whole "celebrity" complex. It's all so baffling.

However, the rest of the day once we left the crazies in the dust was really fun! Met some of you and also got a chance to see loads of my sort of outside London friends who aren't in the city as much as I would like: Khyan, Bing, Jack, Mandy, PJ, etc. It was a good time. Despite the cold. And the fact that someone LICKED Khyan. Alright guys, I understand that being socially awkward has, for some reason, become an okay thing for people on the internet but I am telling you right now, if you lick me, I am slapping you. Or something along those lines. I am not as nice as Khyan and this is the kind of weird that CROSSES THE LINE. Anyway, sorry, I am getting carried away. It was fun. I really like being able to just hang out with massive groups of friends, as that is something that I could never do in Seattle, as very few friends of mine were based in Seattle. It's still a treat. Just like being able to come to Rosianna's house is a treat. And just like this chocolate that I am going to eat is a treat. 

I think I'll blog about the first Easter away from family tomorrow, but till then, have a great Easter, eat chocolate, do whatever it is you do with your lives and I'll see you then.

Train journeys this year: 15.

Books read this year: 17.

Videos posted this year: 33.

*I don't think I'm going too far out on a limb when I say it was 70% Big Brother fans as I have a little more faith in YouTubers.

this baby needs a teeth

Um, I was supposed to post a picture of my shadow for photoadayapril, but I was busy all day and forgot. Also, for the record, that's a mint leaf on my ankle. It looks strange. Anyway, now I'm at Rosianna's house with Lex and I am going to give them the laptop now for a special GUEST POST. I'm sure you're excited.

This is a picture of Lex at this current time. She comments "I look like I am made of grey Play-doh". Later she added that she hated me. The me in question is Rosianna, just to provide an explanation. We just finished watching The Princess Diaries (I don't know if Kayley mentioned this because scrolling up is far too much effort) and we all know all the words and sort of the song lyrics but it's really fun to just be able to properly enjoy a classic film with friends and chat over it but not feel as though you're interrupting one another. Next we'll be watching the first Pirates of the Caribbean, which is fantastic and my favourite Pirates film but sadly has a lack of Orlando Bloom's back. Orlando Bloom has a really hot back guys, just fyi. Lex wants to write something now but I thank you for your time and hope you have a wonderful evening. Also Easter. Also Passover. Also long weekend. 

Bumble bee gin face rum whore telephone wire jewish crackers elephants force feed the elephants dried fruit flower yellow dust flannel nosed dolphin. xoxo gossip girl - Lex

Spring Playlist

photoadayapril today was lunch. This photo, however, was dinner. I was out all afternoon with Charlotte and missed lunch. Now, I am frantically packing because I remembered that I'll be out all day tomorrow and I'm leaving tomorrow night for an unidentifiable amount of time. I'm spending the weekend at Rosianna's with Lex and then I'm off to Edinburgh for...some time. I don't really know how long. Which is making the packing more difficult than need be. So, in lieu of me writing things, here is the playlist I am listening to while completing my list of tasks. It's quite long, but I made it while on my last train to Edinburgh and I think it is very spring-y. Also, no time to get links to all of the songs, but I'm sure you'll work it out. You're good people.

• Vagabond by Wolfmother.
• The Work by Frightened Rabbit.
• Navy Taxi by Kate Nash.
• Somebody Loved by The Weepies.
• Love and Some Versus by Iron & Wine.
• Poke by Frightened Rabbit.
• Puzzle Piece by Gabrielle Aplin.
• Heartbeats by Jose Gonzalez.
• After Hours by We Are Scientists.
• Fuck this Place by Frightened Rabbit.
• World Spins Madly On by The Weepies.
• Way You Are by Kris Orlowski.
• You Are What You Love by Jenny Lewis.
• Home by Gabrielle Aplin.
• Tricks on Me by Jed Whedon.
• Naked As We Came by Iron & Wine.
• Whole Made of Pieces by Jonsi.
• Hawaiian Skies by Jeff Peterson.
• Spiderwebs by Ratboy. 
• No Envy, No Fear by Joshua Radin.
• Proof by I Am Kloot. (Please watch the music video to this!)
• Aevin Endar - Jonsi.
• Call Me Maybe by Carly Rae Jepson.
• Green Leaf Black Heart by Generationals.
• Balloons by Julia Nunes.
• I Was Made for Sunny Days by The Weepies.
• Your Move by Kris Orlowski.

Train journeys this year: 14.

Books read this year: 17.

Videos posted this year: 32. 

Tiny things & Easter baskets

Today's photoadayapril challange: tiny. This is a tiny necklace I had been eyeing for a couple weeks because I adore London postboxes. Not for some conventional, touristy reason. Believe me, I see them everywhere. The reason I love them lies purely in the fact that they remind me so much of my favourite film, Atonement. If you've seen it, you probably understand. I cannot disassociate the two. So while I'd been eyeing this for awhile, I saw that today's theme was 'tiny' and decided to bite the bullet and pick it up from Accessorize. Ridiculous? Yes. Regret? Nope.
Today was long and filled with bus issues. I generally don't get too wound up over London's transportation. Coming from somewhere with a shitty, unpredictable bus system and the inability to drive, being able to get anyway in London all of the time is a dream. However, today I had two awful bus experiences. First being that I was at the start of a certain line and buses were just camped out down the road and it took AGES to get a bus and when one finally did come after 25 minutes, it drove right passed us because it couldn't stop with all of the congestion. This meant getting back to my flat late to grab my laptop and getting to my second class without lunch. SIGH. Secondly was getting a bus home after class (and a bit of cheeky shopping) at about 6pm. Yes, it's peak time. But SEVEN 73 buses went passed while I waited for my bus. Seven. The bus took half an hour to arrive, despite their word that they will come every 5-7 minutes or whatever. Bullshit, I say.
Anyway, aside from that, I came back to another gem of a package from my mother. Amongst other things (I have a haul coming together for kayleyscloset - I need to save up for these things since I never had enough to justify one otherwise!), she sent me an Easter basket! I am twenty, live 5000 miles from home and my mother still manages to get me an Easter basket. She's a keeper, she is. Best mother. Here is a poorly lit instagram of the Easter basket portion of the package, complete with plastic grass just like she always lines the basket with.

And now I must go. By 'must' I mean, 'I want to go and clean this plate of burrito.' You'll all learn to speak Kayley in the longrun, I'm sure. Have a nice evening, folks. x

Train journeys this year: 14.

Books read this year: 17.

Videos posted this year: 31. 

Education Shmeducation

Today's #photoadayaparil theme was someone who makes you happy. So naturally, I chose Mike Wazowski.
Yesterday, I wrote out a long sort of rant that I had been meaning to write for ages, but it didn't feel write to post today. Perhaps tomorrow or when I don't have time to write anything else. I'm in a really good mood because I sat down this morning and wrote one of the three essays that I mentioned needing to write and it felt so good. It was on popular culture and the way it's preserved in various museums/exhibits in London. Relatively interesting stuff, I think. As I've never really spoken about this online, I should probably mentioned that I did not like my classes this semester. I got sort of shafted because my uni's study abroad department decided not to tell me they hadn't gotten the email (that I had sent, but it got lost in the void) with my class choices and so they just didn't register me in anything. So it was the week before classes resumed and I had none. Thanks, guys. Cool. I got put in four classes which vaguely resemble something similar to what I'm studying for my degree, communications/media, and then I spent the next ten weeks suffering through them.
That has happened to me loads throughout my education. I'm just one of those students who always falls through the academic paperwork cracks. Oh, you waived your physical education classes three years ago? Well we can't find the forms your old counselor filled out so you have two months before graduating to get those credits. Oh, you wanted to change your major? Well we you're going to have to do it all manually because it's too much work for your department. Oh, you wanted to take classes at this university you're paying loads of money for? Well sorry lol missed the email and it's not like it's our job or anything to make sure students are, you know, in classes. So yes. This crack-slipping tendency is one of the many reasons that I am probably one of the least academically driven people. Yes, I get everything done way too early, get good grades and professors generally like me, but I still just don't enjoy myself. I am very fortunate that most subjects come relatively easy to me, but I also just don't have the academic loving mindset I see in most of my friends. It has been probably about five years since I completed a reading for any sort of class, with a few interesting exceptions. I don't retain most information very well, unless it's things that I am already interested or familiar with, which is why I chose to student media. Media is familiar, therefore the idea is that I will retain, understand and, hopefully, enjoy it. Honestly, I am primarily getting a degree because in order to "get a job" you "need one." Which, let's be real, is mostly bullshit, but whatever. And because it means I can live in London on a (relatively) easy student visa. So it's not all bad.
I don't know how I got here. I guess it's just a reminder to people who always tell me I'm their educational inspiration (I kid you not, these emails exist), that they should probably be redirected to my friends Rosianna or Kathy. I am not perfect. No matter what I seem in my videos, I am not and do not think I am anywhere near an intellectual on any scale. I just like talking about things. If I could just sit in a room and talk, I wouldn't mind it all so much. But I just don't feel like I get a damned thing out of writing an essay, except perhaps a headache. And now, I am off to primp myself with new shower products (I always treat myself when I complete work - today it was Soap & Glory's "Scrub Your Nose in It") and then settle down with a cup of tea. Have a lovely evening. x

Train journeys this year: 14.

Books read this year: 16.

Videos posted this year: 30. 

Crafts, Summer & Television

Today's photoadayapril was 'mail,' so here is some mail. I bought all of the materials to make apothecary necklace bottles (that would make a good blog, or actually a better video for kayleyscloset, hmm!) and this was a small package all of the way from Hong Kong. I bought all of the materials on eBay, because I figured it'd be easier and cheaper than hunting them all down in shops. This is a really gripping story; I'm sure you're all at the edge of your seats. 

What else do I have to share? I'm currently sitting in my last lecture of this specific class. It hasn't been a good class, as the lecturer hated Americans and was incredibly patronizing, so I'm quite happy about that. After today, I have two classes on Thursday and I will be free! Aside from the aforementioned three essays, but otherwise free. UK unis are strange and have massive spring breaks/Easter holidays before exams. I don't have exams. So for all intents and purposes, summer starts Thursday evening. How awesome is that? Answer: so awesome. I could have saved this post for Thursday, but here we are. No going back. Well, I could go back, but we all know that I won't. 

I realized today that five out of the six shows I watch on television air on Monday nights. That's just unfair. Though it does make Tuesday mornings feel like a challenge. I watched last night's Bones, Gossip Girl (judge away) and Secret Life of the American Teenager (throw eggs at me, I deserve them) this morning. I have to wait for Alcatraz and Castle till tonight since I watch them with Liam. For those curious readers, the other show I watch is Fringe on Fridays. My favorite show on television, probably. I just love television. It's so good. Oh, shoot, class is nearly over. I'm going to post this. Something more interesting will be up tomorrow, as I'm not a huge fan of ~this is what I did today~ posts. Forgive me. Bye for now. x

Train journeys this year: 14.

Books read this year: 16.

Videos posted this year: 29. I really have to edit. I will edit three videos tonight, woo! 

On the Tracks

Hello, all. Today I am BEDA-ing from a train. Despite the fact that this train and many trains often lead me away from those really important to me, I am still not disenchanted with them. The journey between London and Edinburgh is a familiar one, but always looks different. The same views, the same track-side buildings, the same sheep (well, maybe not really, but still), it's all so lovely. It all looks different depending on the weather and the time of day and I hope you all get the chance to make this trek at some point in your life. 

This particular journey, however, had me thinking a bit about the people who live in the homes besides the train line. I always said that I'd love to near a train station or an airport or another port of transportation. Think of the ease and convenience of it! Not having to make that mad rush. It'd be fantastic, yeah? Well push aside thoughts regarding noise and traffic and look at some other disadvantages real quick. Can you imagine having to see trains full of people going passed your window everyday? Some for their first, glorious time. Others for their thousanth. Getting away, exploring, going home. I don't know that I could do it. The part of me that loathes the thought of settling down or sitting still wouldn't be able to cope. Always craving more. More distance, more space between here and there, more wandering. Aimless, perhaps, or not. Being so close to that getaway would be a trap. Or an easy escape. I'm not sure which. What do you think?

Anyway, this train is nice. A bit cold and while I'd quite like a warm drink, I have no cash in which to procure one*. Oh well. By the way, as I am doing #photoadayapril on instagram, I figured I'd combine the two and post my photos for that on my BEDA posts everyday. This post is a two-for-one, as I didn't do this yesterday. So here you have yesterday's post (my reflection - can you tell I really don't like taking pictures of myself? I put it off till nighttime while we were on a train and had no other options - ha!) and today's, which is colour. I could've gotten more creative with this one, but I had neither the time, nor the motivation to do it before boarding this train. 

That's about all for now. I'll get back to my copy of The Descendants and some Kris Orlowski now. Have a nice evening. 

Train journeys this year: On my 14th.

Books read this year: 16.

Videos posted this year: 29.

*Edit: A trolley came by that took card, but only with a £5 minimum. Decided to treat myself and go for it, but I feel a bit like Harry Potter circa year one here with my tea, muffin, Quavers and Walkers. Or I just feel ridiculous. One of the two. 

Another month of BEDA!

I'll be honest here, I'm mostly doing this out of some sick sense of obligation to myself since I've been doing BEDA in every A month for the last two years or something. But hi. I'm Kayley and I am going to blog everyday this month. Let's start by looking at my month in the form of a bulleted list, yeah? That sounds like the effective way to go about looking at the month as a whole. Lists and all of that. 

• Write three essays.

Oh. Is that all? Well, no, but you get the picture. That's basically all I've really set myself up for aside from a few gigs, films, books & local-ish travels. I was meant to be going to Barcelona this month, but we postponed it till next month in favor of completing all of the essays and…having money to actually go. So, yeah.

Um. What was this blog about? I don't know, either. I'm going to go now, as it's actually sunny in Edinburgh (where I am until tomorrow) and I am planning on taking advantage of that. Despite it already being noon and I have not yet put on pants. As you can tell, it's going well. See you guys tomorrow. 

Train journeys this year: 11.

Books read this year: 16.

Videos posted this year: 29.